My emotional state is always in a superposition of extreme states, ranging from joy to happiness to craziness to funny to sad to lame. 2020 has added a few more emotions to the list that I don’t like, namely: despair and anger. When you get caught in one of these states it can be all encompassing.

In this blog post, I am going to share with you some recent difficulties I have had with my emotional state. It is my intention that you will read this, hopefully empathize, and connect. We need to think about this is real terms as professors, managers, and leaders. This is going to happen to the folks we lead and we need to be able to support them.

You just may think I am absolutely nuts by the end of this. Of course, if you know me, you already know that. (HeHe)

Trump 2020! In Your Face!!

Hilariously, this weekend, I was in a difficult situation. I was near a Trump rally while volunteering for an apolitical organization – The Smithtown Historical Society (SHS). SHS was having their heritage fair while the Trump rally caravan made its way down Main Street in Smithtown. I sat there for almost an hour watching Trump flags fly past and the general elation that the Trump supporters (both in the caravan and watching) were getting celebrating his candidacy for a second term. Being that I was volunteering for SHS, Colleen reminded me that I shouldn’t really get involved. (Though I did give a good ole John McCann thumbs down whenever people cheered at me, which resulted in a number of F-word callouts.)

Normally this is my element. I love this over-the-top stuff. While I disagree with the Trump administration, I enjoy the creativity and the energy of the people in involved, literally dressing up their cars to look like Trump. When stuff like this happens, I usually try to match the moment, getting just as fun as the other side.

That did not happen. I felt anger and rage. WTH? One driver of a super large pickup truck tried to drive through two crosswalk guards (in their official get ups). He rolled down the window to scream at them to get out of the way. WTH? Next thing I know I am getting angry, boiling even. “Whoa! Calm my shaky ass down!” I don’t know why he rolled up his window, but I am happy he did. I am mad. Earlier in the day, I saw this guy walking down the street with a NASA shirt on. He was yelling against every Trump truck that went by. At one point he started running toward one of the trucks. It drove away.

When the scientists are getting ready to throw down, times are not good. How do you remain calmly rational in a world that is not?

The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!

To all the people that work with me, I am sorry. Please accept this apology. I have been in some weird defensive mood lately.

I have found that part of being successful in an organization, is picking your battles. If a battle has a high ROI (Return on Investment) and you are fairly certain you are on the correct side, fight the battle, win. But if the ROI is low, just let it the issue slide. Who cares, right?

Right now I am fighting on every front, even on things with low ROI. Its that anger creeping into daily life. 2020 has made me jumpy. I get a message I don’t agree with and I go into go-mode. Everything is professional but I feel I am slipping. Time to pull it back in.

While I am continually annoying the provost/deans offices with things to do, things to buy, actions to take, etc., I feel there is a certain level of “stand-your-groundness” that is taking over. I always pride myself on being the kind of flexible person that rewrites rules for the moment. Now I am digging my heels into the ground. I am on edge. Are you on edge?

Too Close to the Emotional Edge

My family life has been disrupted by a serious illness (stepfather). So while I already am ready to cry from time-to-time while watching the evening news, now I am dealing with family tragedy. I am not coping well. It has been a large part of this downward spiral.

So here’s the deal. I am already angered on the streets and angry at the government. Now we are dealing with personal loss. It is very hard to keep the emotions in check.

While never easy, there is a well-scripted plan when things like this happen. We spring into action helping my mother and step-father do what needs to be done. This usually helps to balance the situation and the grieving process. But of course, we are in the middle of a pandemic. What can we do? What can’t we do? Its all so confusing and scary.

In the long run, I will be fine. I might have to patch a relationship or two. I didn’t say anything too bad or far from the truth. But the feeling of helplessness is real and it is driving all kinds of emotions. And all 300 million of us are at the edge. Its all so confusing and scary.

Trying To Cope

I think that one thing that is helpful is to listen to those around you.

• Colleen reminding me to chill.
• My co-worker suggesting I need to take some time to chill. (THANK YOU!)
• A friend says, hey shouldn’t you be doing this.

Every time I hear those things I stop and listen. Remember as mentors it is our responsibility to interject when we can too.