What the crap is going on? How many are you feeling this right now? It’s hard to explain.
Is it depression? I don’t think so, my life is pretty good.
Is it procrastination? Maybe. Although I am not really a procrastinator. That’s not to say that I don’t procrastinate. It just doesn’t feel like it.
Is it being overwhelmed? I think this is closer to what I am feeling. But maybe not in the way you might think.
Am I burnt out? Nah. I don’t think it is what it is.
I am starting the usual kind of semester for me. I have a new prep with an overload. I am a chair of a department that is under going major change in the first time in many years. I am trying to build up some new programs. I am trying to get the lab firing on all cylinders. And I am just flat out sluggish.
I was thinking about this the other day. Its like I am in third gear going 70 mph on the highway.
I am working like crazy, just trying to keep up with my job. I am burning energy like crazy. I am making all kinds of noises. But I just can’t get it right. And I am only doing the minimum at this point. It’s so easy. I need to shift up to fifth gear and start cruising. I know that in three weeks I will be working my usual > 70 hours a week, some how finding a way to go to the gym in the morning and be super dad.
I have a crazy commute which should be illegal. It is something I have talked about a lot. Its an hour and half in and an hour and half out, mostly rail. In the past (before 2020) I used that commute time to grade, prepare classes, and write grant proposals. Now I sit there and drool in my seat. The only good thing is that my mask catches it and no one knows. Ewwww.
COVID-19 has been a bad thing, of course. Except I have been living life in third gear for about a year+. I am not sure if I am conserving energy to do battle when civilization collapses or just really happy about five step commute (my home office is five steps from my bed). Of course I have been working really hard over the last year+, I just didn’t have to use my fourth and fifth gears into now. And I don’t want to. I like third gear. I am just not ready to leave.
Today, I woke up at 10am. I think I am going to take a nap or go to the beach. Tomorrow I worry about fourth and fifth gear. Happy Labor Y’all.
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