I am struggling this week. RANT TIME!

Colleen continues to be sick. Poor Girl! Somehow whatever we had last month has aggravated her asthma. She can’t do anything much before running out of breathe. Ugh. Thankfully she is well enough to do classwork with Rosie and keep her occupied for at least a portion of the day.

Last week I realized that I had gained 10+ lbs last month!! My stomach issues have started to come back! I decided I needed to do more activity and eat better.

So I have spent the morning doing epic walks. Every once and a while I will run a little while paying football with Rosie. Just trying to get my steps over 10,000 for a day. But now I am exhausted.

I have been eating terribly. Anytime this month I have ran out of energy, I have been like “delivery!” Well now I am trying to cook healthier meals. This is wonderful, but it takes so much time.

Parenting! ARGH!

I am prepping my summer class. I am so eager to input all my active learning strategies while simultaneously making the class fun. I am so overwhelmed. I spent four hours yesterday and I barely have one activity done. Its just taking too long. I know I am going to have to scale back. I am not happy about that.

I am always so proud that I have this one very difficult optimization project in my scientific programming class. Its really difficult and it forces the students to become experts with their coding skills in a fun way. We usually do a genetic algorithm! Any time you get a bunch of physicists talking about biology and CS it is a hoot. Well this semester I ran out of time and had to drop it to focus on other more fundamental things.

I made my E&M final yesterday. I know I am going to anger many of colleagues with it. It is not the standard physics test. While I personally feel it is better than an actual exam in these crazy times, I still feel ashamed. WTH?!?!

Monday night I took Rosie out for a campfire. It was great. She was dancing around, making marshmallows, and doing gymnastics. I am never the guy to just sit there, but that is exactly what I did. It was nice but I was so drained.

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Colleen came into the living room last night and gave me a hug and thanked me for everything. That made me feel like $1M. Colleen is sick not but long term she is going to be fine! If I just let go a little bit everything will be fine. I don’t have to be perfect. I feel like I have to be perfect!!

Many of the people I care about are struggling. I feel so bad. The world is falling a part outside. Many communities are being torn up by the coronavirus. People are ill and dying. I am afraid on so many different levels. But my family is well enough. I have plenty of food to eat. It seems that crisis – at least locally – is getting better. So now I feel terrible about feeling terrible.

I am sharing this with you not because I feel like my situation is harder and different than y’all. I am not looking for sympathy. If what I have gathered is true, we all feel this way right now. So in way I am empathizing with you all. I am letting you know that we all feel like crap and it is okay. Please go a head and feel like crap.

This is merely a rant.